


Seasonal change

by Giulietta



Series: Tainted Holy Grail War [1]
Category: Fate/Zero
Genre: Alternate Universe, Character Development, F/M, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, Fate & Destiny, Forbidden Love, Friendship/Love, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Love at First Sight, Magic-Users, Minor Character Death, Red String of Fate, Secrets, Self-Worth, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-04-30 01:38:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14485995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Giulietta/pseuds/Giulietta
Summary: The dark decides to make the light brighter,Kiritsugu steps out of stage, leaving Irisviel behind.Smiling, they will meet again in the battlefield.And now? Kiritsugu will prepare for the future.For now, Irisviel will play the Eternal Dream.





	1. Spring

**Author's Note:**

> A timeline where Irisviel is Saber’s master.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was when she met this _man_ that Irisviel von Einzbern understood how to LIVE.

A tool of restoration.

A vessel for the *********

 

A fitting description for a homunculus such as herself, she doesn’t have any objective but to survive the harshest of conditions. Her lifespan is at the least ten years and at the most fifteen years, comparable to a doll given her disposition.

 

An empty shell.

An imitation to ********

 

Behind closed doors, deviation is out of the option as the alchemists calculated everything accordingly. External factors are regulated and minimized. Considered the best among other units, she represents the hope of her clan to restore their lost heritage.

 

The hope of the clan.

The chosen representative in the ************

 

She doesn’t bother identifying her way of living. Like a tool, she knows her place in the world, which is to be a vessel and nothing less. There are no hesitations against her ancestor’s orders. Sleeping in her liquid chamber, she binds her time before the plan commenced.

 

The object of war.

The archetypal *********

 

To secure glory, the clan head has opted to hire the best in the world. Thousands participated at the beginning and yet, only a dozen emerge to tell the tale. Repentance is out of the option. There is no need for EMOTION in this castle of seclusion.

 

Her fulfilling loss.

Her fragile completion of ****

 

The individual chosen is of the opposite gender with desperation burning in his eyes. There is something twisted in those eyes, but she dismisses it like her creator. Her grandfather ignores this man’s ideals in favor of  **the restoration**. For formalities’ sake, she will marry this man as a manner of clan acceptance.

 

His meaningful emptiness

His immoral purge for ****

 

To prove her resiliency, grandfather tossed her into the forest where she lost unconscious, only to wake up and see an annoyed raven hovering above her. Known as Kerry, the man placed upon himself to teach her how to survive the outside world. There are no records regarding Kerry, but Jubstacheit permitted the stranger to reside in the castle.

 

Their broken love story…

 

* * *

 

 

Under Kerry’s guidance, days turn into weeks before she learns the value of life. Aspirations and desperation, everything and everyone become meaningful. Falling into the path of enlightenment, she gains vibrancy in all of her actions. Her teacher treads behind her, watching her progress with a pained smile.

 

A living doll

&

A genocidal savior

 

Weeks turn into months, laughter and color skitter along the corridors. She begins to deviate, but the clan head turns a blind eye with an all-knowing glance. Even when student and teacher bicker over trivial concepts, she cherishes her time talking with her mentor compared to her time meeting with her fiancé.

 

Irisviel von Einzbern

~~&~~

~~Kiritsugu Emiya~~

 

The teacher opens the student to concepts in a language she comprehends. The student conceals the teacher’s insecurities of the ominous future. _He doesn’t know about her sacrifice._ She doesn’t know about his past. Hiding secrets from each other, both entities resolve to deception.

 

 

However, slowly and ever so carefully, he/she inadvertently breaks/mends her/him.

 

* * *

 

 

Half a year has passed, neither of them perceived their attraction towards the other. It was only after the farewell arrangement between her tutor and the Einzbern that she noticed a throbbing pain in her chest. Fortunately, the pain subsided with emptiness as its replacement. Sitting by the fireplace, Irisviel was reading a book when warm liquid fell from her eyes. The albino tries to halt the leaking, but the tears kept on falling. Yes. Tears.

 

With a bleeding heart,

She cries in pain.

 

One homunculus diagnosed her condition as a form of attachment.  **" _Give it a couple of days_ ,"** they advised her,  **" _and the pain will go away_."**  Irisviel obeyed their orders  _so why wasn’t the tears drying up?_  Every night, her body shakes and tears fall. She needs an assistant to guide her to bed. Irisviel also requires a water replenishment every five hours.

 

Tangled in a red string,

He struggles for breath.

 

A dozen probing examinations later, it was only with the return of the first mentor that the tears and pain stopped. Instead of anger, the clan head sported a surprised look to see the man break through their defenses so easily. Without uttering a single word, he reached for her and held her close in his arms. Without thought, Irisviel raised her arm and reciprocated the embrace.

 

Dependent to the assassin’s freezing warmth,

Soliciting the homunculus’ artificial love,

 

Neither spoke, simply staying by each other’s side... And the pain subsided exponentially. It caused envy for the ‘Magus Killer’ who asked Jubstacheit von Einzbern’s audience. The old man in turn ordered teacher  _Kerry_ to visit once a month, especially when he learned about the Kerry’s knowledge in the diverse fighting style compiled by the Mage Association.

 

The strings of fate bind them.


	2. Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Irisviel’s favorite past time is spending time with people and learning who, what, why and how this motivates them to LIVE.

**Desire or need?**

 

 _To end all wars and save humankind_  – Irisviel doesn’t really understand what this desire meant, pointing out humanity’s nature. Kerry agrees, confessing that he’s been trying to find different ways to solve this cycle of death and rebirth. Irisviel then asked his reason for not wanting to be part of the Holy Grail War.

 

**Idealist and realist**

 

Her mentor doesn’t understand the Holy Grail’s mechanisms. His experience and origin taught him that there would always be consequence for every action. The Holy Grail was too good to be true. If it really is an omnipotent item, he fears the Grail will misinterpret his desire by looking into his origin.

Cut and bind

 

The raven admits his origin has positive effects, being able to alter time and extend a resident’s lifespan long enough for help to arrive. He simply applied his father’s principle of the flower to the person. Side effects would be immobility and the residents' disorientation to their surroundings  _since she helped him advance his studies_.

 

**Everything or nothing?**

 

 _Nothing_ – Kerry asked how she could not have a desire after learning how to live. Irisviel laughs as she already achieved her miracle when he came to her life. Kerry covers his face, which made her giggle more. The fluttery feeling in her stomach feels strangely nice.

 

**Love and being loved**

 

Irisviel doesn’t understand Love. Studying Love has given her no objective explanation that could explain her feelings for him. Every time he's near, she feels a warm sensation, acute to the circulating of prana in her body. He feels the same way, but isn't her love for him destructive or say forbidden?

Eros and Agape

Irisviel knows her role, being the 'sentient' vessel of the Holy Grail, but she wished she could use its powers to lift the burden off her mentor's shoulders. Because of love, she bestows it upon herself to wish for his happiness. Kerry thinks he made her irrational. Irisviel disagrees.  _He gave her a choice to being and becoming_.

 

* * *

 

 

 **"Grandfather likes your presence very much. I want to know how you did it."**  Irisviel questions, expectantly staring at the man. Her mentor looks up from his book, amused.  **"You consider the constant array of insults directed towards me a positive phenomenon in the castle?"**

" **Yes! You are the first commoner I have witnessed to catch his attention. How?** " Irisviel tilts her head. The raven responds in turn. " **My magic crest and origin interests him due to its chaotic nature, passively altering nearby entities in varying degrees. Because I refuse to refine it, Old Man Acht is maiming me with unnecessary lecture.** "

" **Alteration... Like my sudden deviancy?** " Irisviel blinks and the raven shrugs, " **I doubt it. Deviancy occurs on the entrance of additional external or internal variables. Our meetings are just one of the possible paths to your aberration."**

" **Life extension!** " Irisviel proposes, staring at the confused raven. " **By combining your ability and origin, it is possible to extend one's life permanently.** "

" **There are other variations of magecraft that can solve that issue.** " The teacher points out, but Irisviel stood up with excitement. " **Yes, but a homunculus body has a limit in carrying and handling major adjustments. What my grandfather desires from you is a method of permanent extension with the least amount of entropy affecting the body through natural means.** "

" **There will always be entropy in every spell!"**  The raven coughed, but Irisviel placed her book down, stands up and reached for his hand feverishly. " **Then we will re-calibrate what is necessary! Herr Professor Kerry! Let us research this new possibility!** "

" **But we're halfway into your** **biblical studies.** " The man sighs as the lady pulls him from his seat. Irisviel answered back smiling. " **Aren't you the type who promotes practicality over theoretical knowledge?** "

" **Tsk. You're too sharp for my heart to handle.** " Kerry gives up, placing the scriptures down and allowing the albino to lead him into the Royal Archives.

  

* * *

 

 

_“ **Kiritsugu** ” Kerry said one day as he looked down at the albino resting on his lap. Irisviel moves from her position, turning her head to face the raven. “ **is my real name… I'm a linguist.** ”_

 

Their love was innocent and pure with a dip of curiosity.

 

_“ **Have you ever thought of settling down?** ” Irisviel asked, resting her hand on top of another. Entwining his hand with hers, Kiritsugu bowed his head. “ **Sometimes… I would dream of such a fantasy.** ”_

 

Neither wanted to break the other, only filling each other's gaps.

 

_“ **I am heading out for a while** **...** ” Kiritsugu states randomly, looking at Irisviel trying out a wedding gown bought by her fiancé. “ **If you need me, I'll be in the garden** **...** "_

 

Sometimes, Irisviel wonders if Kiritsugu is the image of her Superego _especially when Kiritsugu dictates society’s morality, ideal concepts and culture_.

_“ **What do you think of his proposal regarding the offspring?**_ ” _Irisviel twirls her rose banquet as he watched her. Kiritsugu redirects the question, melancholic. “ **How would you feel about having a child?** ”_

 

However, Kiritsugu disapproves of his image.

 

_“ **Why does your absence lengthen?** ” Irisviel asked, but Kiritsugu refuses to face her. Kiritsugu placed his hands in his pockets, muttering. “ **It's best I distance myself and minimize possible casualty.** ” _

 

Kiritsugu finds himself mimicking her shadow of expectations while she copies his light of Hope.

 

_" **Is something the matter?** " Jubstacheit's voice irked her mentor more than she thought as Irisviel stood beside her newly considered husband. Kiritsugu smiles, too bitter for her taste as he face the clan head. " **About the child...** (The rest of the conversation turns into a blur as someone drags Irisviel for a dance.)"_

 

There’s something more to the comparison, but they shut themselves away from this possibility.

 

 **_"You wish me to test the Magus killer?"_  ** _Kiritsugu inquired as he met with the elder. Ignoring Irisviel behind the door, the raven showed one hand in the air with mirth in his voice. " **I doubt your clan is prepared for a funeral right after a wedding, Old man Acht.** "_


	3. Autumn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Irisviel knew everything that is GOOD has to END at some point.

 

 Grandfather says her love for her tutor stems from knowledge. For the Einzbern, Knowledge was alluring, which her mentor carried too much _or did he know too much?_  Irisviel doesn’t know if that’s the exact reason, but she knows this man will push her to the limit. For Kiritsugu, taking risks are necessary parts of quick development.

 

_" **You nearly killed me!** ” Irisviel meant to sound hurt but sounded happy instead._

_" **There are no pauses in the battlefield,** " Kiritsugu warned while yawning. Holding the gift of Jubstacheit, he twirls the cane in the air. " **Your enemies will kill you.** "_

_“_ **But _you're using it differently!_** _” Irisviel complained, rubbing her bruised shoulder. Kiritsugu rolled his eyes, shooing the bird familiars trying to surround him._

_" **The cane has more than one usage.** " Kiritsugu swatted one of the bird's head. " **Curiosity's sake, how are you crafting your wires?** "_

_“ **I materialize the surrounding prana into a threadlike structure and bind my enemies for additional attacks"**  Irisviel responded with a smile._

_Both individuals turned silent. Kiritsugu is the first to break the silence._   _" **Let's use that to your advantage.** "  _

 

In retrospect, the Emiya clan's heritage became an item of interest for her grandfather. Records described the family's thaumaturgy as a type of time manipulation within a Reality Marble. However, the fourth generation went astray with his research regarding vampirism. The Magus Association declared the successor - Kiritsugu Emiya deceased.

 

_“ **He died.** ” Irisviel notes, covering her mouth and very unfazed at the solemn proceeding. Kiritsugu nods while reading, sitting beside her on the bench with a bible. " **Very unfortunate...** "_

_ No one cared for the man. _

_“ **What now?** ” Irisviel asked, looking at her mentor's direction. Kiritsugu's gaze went away from the text and towards the altar._

_" **You will enter the Holy Grail War,** " Kiritsugu stated with a coy smile. " **I will get a higher pay.** "_

 

Shocking how the sudden emergence of the Magus killer is known to be Kiritsugu Emiya. For the Einzbern, it was a blessing. Time mages are rare in this time and age not because of the lack of interest and skill, but because of the magic’s affinity towards certain individuals. It's also unfortunate how the raven refuse to enter the field of Research.

 

_“ **You’re a spear user?** ” Kiritsugu asked, watching the lady emerge with a Naginata. Just by reading a book, the woman learned to wear a hakama and style herself accordingly._

_“ **And you know how to use a sword?** ” Irisviel counters back, standing opposite to the mercenary wearing a similar attire._

_“ **Do you prefer opponents using a halberd?** ” The raven humored, unsheathing his Wakizashi and directing it to his opponent. The albino readies her stance, eyes narrowing._

_“ **Please do not underestimate me.** ” Irisviel’s cold tone didn’t reach the man, watching him fiddle with the sword. _  _Kiritsugu looks up, smirking. “ **Understood.** ”_

 

Fact: Kiritsugu ~~the one~~ ~~she fell in love with~~ is an unrefined magician. Uneducated and crestless, the sole heir of the Emiya clan roams around the world enacting profane activities for the sake of Humankind. Uneducated in formal terms because Kiritsugu is smart not because of institutions, but from experience and informal societal structures.

 

_" **What happened?** " Irisviel asked, opening Kiritsugu’s room. Kiritsugu huffed, sitting on his bed. " **Acht. He says you're not suited for combat.** "_

_" **Which explains my abysmal performance in battle.** " Irisviel placed her dangling bangs behind her ear, approaching the fatigue raven. " **Since I am not designed for physical combat.** "_

_" **You're inferior because he refuse to take risks.** " Kiritsugu flicked her forehead before standing up and facing away. " **You’re a homunculus so modification and magical capabilities can be arranged...** "_

_" **I don't understand your train of thought. Do you not comprehend the fact I am the best model as to date?** " Irisviel follows her mentor into the bathroom._

_" **Old way of thinking… Strategize**   **and Improvise. That will be this year's lesson plan.** " Kiritsugu throws his outer coat to the bin, starting to unbutton his waistcoat. “ **I’ll also request for special modifications of my own… persuade him if I have to.** ”_

_" **Do we continue my theoretical studies as well?** " Irisviel eyes follow the tossed garments. Necktie, button up, pants- " **Yes and do you mind?"**_

**_"Mind what?"_ ** _Irisviel turns to stare at Kiritsugu peeking between the shower doors. " **Oh! Right. My apologies..** "_

 

Truth: Kiritsugu is unconsciously advancing the application of time magic within a Reality marble. Irisviel believes this has something to do with the raven's travel in and out of the castle. She doesn't question his movement since Irisviel does not have the right to restrict Kiritsugu's action. They are simply teacher and student.

  

_" **Who are you talking to earlier?** " Irisviel's voice caused the raven to drop the huge device._

_" **An acquaintance. He's gathering information regarding two of your potential adversaries.** " Kiritsugu stares at her strangely, walking to the balcony for fresh air._

_" **...** " Irisviel picked up the device, examining the buttons embedded on it. There is energy coursing through it? Before further analysis, the sound of bells chiming interrupted her train of thought._

_" **Illya?!** " Irisviel voiced without thinking, staring in amazement how the raven twirled the child into the air with a smile reserved for them alone. She covers her mouth, laughing._

 

Unfortunate how their interaction is magnetic - a bond that is naturally forced. Some uses a literary concept called -  **Red Strings of Fate**. It's a concept turned theory by several other novels, but no one has really proven its existence. It will depend on the Gods and the governing body, but disconnected thanks to King Solomon.

 

_" **I still can't believe we did that.** " Kiritsugu sits upright, leaning on her shoulder. Irisviel giggles, having their child resting in her arms._

_" **Produce an offspring beyond her life expectancy you mean?** " Irisviel pokes her mentor's cheek, her smile widening at the man's playful annoyance._

_" **Yes and the fact Acht permitted our... illegal activities.** " Kiritsugu lowered his tone, making sure the child doesn't wake up from their voice. " **This is a bargaining chip, isn't it? Even when I refused his offer, I have no choice but to ensure your victory for the family reunion. It's painful how she gained the same function of her mother.** "_

_" **Even if I don't win, you must retrieve the Holy Grail and pull Illya out of here.** " Irisviel specifies, feeling safe under the gaze of the male._

_" **I don't plan on watching you die Iri.** " Kiritsugu blows air through his mouth, pushing the white bangs from his face. " **Isn't this the reason why we crafted another method to summoning the Holy Grail within the SOUL?** "_

_" **It's a theory not yet in practice.** " Irisviel watched warm eyes turn into steel. " **I do not trust anyone but you. Please. Be my guardian angel and direct the Einzbern to victory.** "_

  

Irisviel doesn't understand what led her to the idea of an offspring, but she concludes this to emerge from the idea of Hope. This culmination of ideals she gained from Kiritsugu persuaded her to stray farther from the norm. Illyasviel von Einzbern is now the best output in the current generation, having only slow aging as her flaw.

 

_" **Do you ever sleep?** " Kiritsugu asked, charcoal eyes opening to see crimson orbs. Irisviel smiles back, " **I only require mana.** "_

_" **Ah...** (Kiritsugu looks at the side)  **Well then...** **Have I ever told you how many times you amaze me?** " Kiritsugu asked which made Irisviel laugh, " **No. I'm serious. Your alarming progress has reached the ears of fellow alchemist clans and let's not forget the birth of Illya in your womb."**_

_" **But it will never be enough. That's why Grandfather refuses to terminate your contract because you've taught us to value extraneous variables.** " Irisviel watched her mentor sit up from his bed. It was early morning, but she couldn't wait and entered his room to watch the raven sleep. " **How is Illya?** "_

_" **Let me check.** " Kiritsugu stretches his arms before walking out of the room with Irisviel in his tail. " **I requested the old man to create a friend's prescribed formula and tweak it for homunculus consumption.** "_

_" **You have a lot of friends.** " Irisviel nods to herself and Kiritsugu waves his hand. Entering the room few blocks from Irisviel's, the two adults face a feverish child. Kiritsugu place his hand over Illya's forehead and then to her neck. " **37 degrees. Good. Her temperature's normalizing. Give her a day or two to recover.** "_

 

While she trained, her clan began the procurement of various relics from known legends. The absence of half their lot made the castle look empty. Irisviel doesn’t mind since they are fully capable in taking care of cheerful Illyasviel. Kiritsugu is a seasonal worker, returning to the castle for her training. Even without saying their relationship to Illyasviel, she considers Kiritsugu as her father. Illya says it is a father's job to make the family happy. Since Kiritsugu makes them happy, Kiritsugu is the father. Kiritsugu thinks the definition is twisted against him. Irisviel simply shows the legal documents, telling him that he's technically married to her with his name on the contract. 

 

The childish heir of the Emiya clan who died somewhere in the forest, Alimango island

 

_" **?** " The raven turns his head to face her, having Illya on his lap as the child read one of the stories in the Grimm's Fairy Stories aloud._

 

The merciless Magus Killer who died outside Einzbern Castle, Germany

  

_" **You like kids don't you?** " Irisviel asked. Kiritsugu looked at Illyasviel and disclosed with a raised eyebrow. " **This was out of my volition.** "_

 

An open book for the world to understand,

 

_" **You have E luck.** " Irisviel shook her head in dismay. Kiritsugu twitched, dangling upside down from Illya's basic trap. Lifting himself in the air, the raven begrudgingly accepted defeat. " **You can say that...** "_

 

Irisviel von Einzbern wonders if she read Kiritsugu Emiya wrong.

 

_" **You will kill me.** " Irisviel stated aloud first thing in the morning. Kiritsugu grimaced, possibly squinting under his red hoodie. " **Not in this timeline.** "_

 

Because if she didn't know any better,

 

_" **It appeared?** " Irisviel blinks, looking at the back of her hand. Glowing red, her command seals composed of two wings with a cross as the body. The raven remains silent, refusing to look up and congratulate her._

 

Irisviel would say Kiritsugu knows what will happen next.

 

* * *

 

 

" **Wait!!** " Irisviel ran to the raven and tugged his sleeves. " **Won't you stay and play with Illya for a little longer?** "

" **My job here is done** " Kiritsugu replied, turning around to face her. " **Next time we meet, it will be in Fuyuki.** "

" **But-!** " Irisviel held her tongue, eyes flickering at the sight of the raven. Kiritsugu remains unfazed, giving a thin smile of reassurance. " **You say you have no desire; that you have only one purpose in life? Nein. We both know these to be lies. Raise your hand and see the contradiction.** "

" **It's too soon!** " Irisviel blurts out, clutching her hands as the cold breeze pass through them. Clear as day and night, the command seal etched on her right hand glowed crimson with the surge of prana. " **The Holy Grail War is still three years from now yet your mind is filled with action.** "

" **A friend of mine is one of the participants in the Holy Grail War,** " Kiritsugu revealed while looking away from betrayed eyes. " **Like a King on the throne, he has obtained the favor of both the Magus Association and Church. Acting like the fool, Tokiomi has learned the identity of half of the chess pieces with a triumph card under his sleeve.** "

" **He will do whatever is necessary for success yet there is no leeway for radical means. In a sense, Tokiomi is a wolf in sheep's clothing, seeking pleasure in his own subtle way.** "Irisviel refuses to look at Kiritsugu in the eyes, glaring at the matching shoes and suitcase instead. Kiritsugu sighs, " **I am not abandoning you, but I am distancing myself from you. I will not allow myself to be used against you, do you understand?** "

" **Yes and FATE is cruel that way...** " Irisviel looks up, solemn. " **Illya will miss you dearly.** "

" **The Einzbern's princess is stronger than you think.** ” The raven winks, holding his suitcase's handle. " **Continue polishing your skills, expect gifts in the following years and call me through the phone in case you require assistance or if Illya can't sleep.** "

" **You're cruel.** " Irisviel pouts, knowing how the raven's gifts tend to be otherworldly or 'modern' in human terms.

" **Yet you're attracted to this man.** " Kiritsugu grins, turning around and walking out of the door. " **I'm off.** "

" **See you soon...** " Irisviel waved her right hand, watching the man's figure turn into a shadow within the woods.

  

* * *

 

 

 Irisviel doesn't need Kiritsugu to survive. She can manage the castle just fine. Training with her siblings, aunts and nieces, Irisviel von Einzbern inches closer to the finale.

 

_' **The scabbard of the legendary Sword of King Arthur Pendragon.** ' Irisviel stared at the conceptual weapon before holding it in her arms. She walks forward into the church for the ritual._

 

The Fourth Holy Grail War will be different from anything one would expect. Irisviel will bring her clan glory and respect from fellow magus clans.

 

_' **Alone.** ' Irisviel pulls out the vials containing silver and mercury, pouring it to form the summoning circle. No one must enter the area. No one must disturb her, not even her child. One wrong act and it's all over._

 

Is she blinded with the beautiful dream of death to understand the bloody grounds of reality? No. Irisviel is aware of her END and seeks to go against the will of the Gods.

 

_Before Irisviel finished her chant, the image of her mentor in a bloody battlefield flashed before her eyes. Stuttering at the end, she closed her eyes at the gust of air but opens it immediately in time to see her servant. ' **What was that?** '_

 

She will not fall.

 

_" **I ask thou** " The blonde servant declared, emerald eyes meet ruby red. " **Are thou my master?** "_

 

She will restore her clan's Third magic.

 

_" **...** " Irisviel took a step back; realization dawned on her._

  

* * *

 

 

Flashback

 

" **What's your goal, Kiritsugu?** " Irisviel asked, lying down on the bed as she stared at her mentor. The raven was sitting upright, looking down at her with a melancholic smile.

 

" **To save everyone even if this will lead to my destruction.** "

 

" **Explain.** " Irisviel crawls to the raven, having one of her sleeves fall to her arms.

 

" **You'll understand soon enough.** " The smile grew bitter; his eyes reflect nothing.

 

" **Then I'll save you.** " Irisviel declared, smiling at the stunned man.

 

" **I'll save the man who strives to save everyone.** " Irisviel pats the man's head, surprised to see tears fall from the raven's eyes.

 

" **Kiritsugu? Why are you crying?** "

 

The tears continue to flow.

 

" **I don't understand. Please tell me what's wrong, Kiritsugu.** "

 

The raven bows his head, whispering. " **I don't deserve it.** "

 

" **You do!** " Irisviel wipes the tears away, furrowing her eyebrows.

 

Tears continue to flow.

 

" **Whatever you've done in the past, just know that I forgive you.** " Irisviel comforts the man, bringing his head to her shoulder.

 

" **I... I want to save everyone.** " Kiritsugu restrains his shaking, regulating his voice. " **And yet I... I!** "

 

" **It's okay. It's going to be okay.** " Irisviel mimicked the words she heard from the movies, waiting for the man to stop crying. " **Nothing has happened yet. I'm here. You're here. We can work this out together.** "

 

" **...** " No response. Kiritsugu turns limp, tired from crying. Irisviel continues to cradle the man, humming a tune she heard from a recorder.

 

* * *

  

Arthur Pendragon. No. The King of Knights.

 

_Irisviel smiles under the woman's presence, holding her hands together._

 

 Are you like him?

 

_" **I am.** " Irisviel gives a warm smile._

 

Someone who wants to save everyone.

 

_The saber loosens her stance, realizing the homunculus wasn't a threat._

 

Someone who lost everything for the sake of duty.

 

_" **I see.** " The king smiles back._

 

'Are you like Kiritsugu, Saber?' Irisviel tilts her head, thinking only to herself as she walks out of the Church with her servant following her. 'If so...Will you two get along for me?'


	4.  Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Irisviel enters the battlefield with her mentor’s words of advice.

**"What is your desire from the Holy Grail?"**

 

"?" Irisviel looks at her servant in surprise. She really thought her servant wouldn't speak to her after the unconscious insult she hurled at the King. This was relieving. Irisviel responds, "I want to save the world."

 

"You are repeating that man's sentiment. Answer the question." (Her servant looks worried.)

 

' _Why was Arturia asking the impossible from the vessel of the Holy Grail?_ ' Irisviel placed a finger on her lips, looking down at the carpet. However, the servant has the right to know their master's desire. Because of the command seal on her hand, Irisviel must have some sort of grand wish aligning to the King's wish. Irisviel searches through her memory on what desire will connect her to her servant.

 

_Nothing._

 

Irisviel frowned. It seems her other identity as a 'human being' sprouted from her ancestor’s memories and Kiritsugu's influence. Irisviel opens her mouth, answering with an honest tone.

  

"I am telling the truth. Even if I do not fully understand the outside world, I want to save everyone from suffering because I believe in the goodness of people."

 

Other priorities such as taking care of Illyasviel and living normally is not a suitable desire for someone like her. It was selfish and childish.  _"I beg to disagree."_ More importantly, this is not a suitable answer towards the legendary King of Britain.

 

"I see." Saber has the same tired eyes as Kiritsugu. Irisviel wants to comfort her; to hold her together before the blonde realize the impossibility of their dream. "And I believe your desire is just."

 

"Thank you." Irisviel smiles gratefully before offering a cup of tea. "Would you like some tea?"

 

* * *

 

 

“You are...?” Irisviel tilts her head, confused when she receives a female stranger at her doorsteps. The black suited shorthaired raven bows her head before looking back at her with sharp eyes.

“Hisau Maiya. I hear you’ve encountered Kiritsugu Emiya?” The lady was all business, but the way her eyes scanned the area cannot go unseen.

“I’m sorry. He left three years ago. I don’t know where he is now.” Irisviel looks behind her to see Saber talking with her siblings and looks back at the woman. "Is that all?"

"I see..." Maiya turned silent, lost in thought. Something about this woman felt distressingly familiar. Maiya was simply living for living's sake. Watching someone live like this must be painful. She had to do something. Irisviel suggested, grabbing hold of the lady's hand. "How about you accompany us to Fuyuki? I'm sure we'll meet Kiritsugu there!" 

"!" Maiya's eyes widened for a fraction before turning back to nearly closed eyes. "He confided his location to you?"

"Yes! Yes, he did." Irisviel wondered what sort of relationship this woman has with Kiritsugu. Maiya gives a smile. It feels forced, but Irisviel recalls Kiritsugu having problems maintaining his smile.  _How strange_. Maiya bows her head slightly, smiling. "Thank you for accepting my presence, Irisviel von Einzbern."

"No need for formalities. I only wanted to help." Irisviel blushed from embarrassment. Looking away, Irisviel lets go of Maiya's hand and calls for Saber. "Saber! Can you help me with something?"

 

"What is it?" Arturia comes forward, holding  ~~piles of paper~~  research material for the upcoming battle. Bio-data of participants, relics obtained or within the participant's possession, geographical location added with the pathways established by the Tohsaka heir (The host of this Holy Grail War) and available resources allotted for the journey. Because of Kiritsugu, Jubstacheit customized her to have additional functions. Aside from being the vessel of the Holy Grail and obtaining 'motherhood,' Irisviel has a separate compartment of energy for her personal usage. There are other functions created with the help of Kiritsugu's Origin, but her grandfather told her not to bother and functions Kiritsugu added without Jubstacheit's permission. Irisviel wonders why Kiritsugu is surprisingly knowledgeable in homunculus anatomy & chemistry. _It would usually take years to understand the complexity of the study…_

"This is Hisau Maiya, a friend of Kiritsugu!" Irisviel pushed Maiya inside the castle, making sure the two ladies meet face to face.

"Nice to meet you." Maiya seems intimidated, but Arturia's presence can do that to a lot of people.

"Pleasure meeting you, Hisau Maiya." Arturia nodded, looking at Irisviel with the papers. Irisviel continues her talk, "Saber. I know this will be hard to believe, but Maiya is an ally. I want you to include her in our operations okay?"

"Irisviel!" Arturia's eyes narrowed, "how sure are we that she won't betray us?"

"Trust me." Irisviel holds both of her hands together like a prayer. "I have B luck."

"That doesn't justify your actions!" Irisviel tilts her head at her fuming servant. She doesn't know why, but her servant looks really cute with the angry look on her face.

"It does actually. It's called a woman's intuition!" Irisviel smiled at the flabbergasted knight. "You have it too, don't you?"

"We can't always rely on intuition." Saber sounds exasperate, but it's not enough to push the master to compliance.

 

"Excuse me." Maiya stood in between them. Looking left and right, she speaks out with a frown. "I can leave if you want-"

"No. You stay right here!" Irisviel ordered, staring at the stunned raven. Looking back at her servant, Irisviel straightened her back and finished. ""Maiya-san is coming with us to Fuyuki. If you have no faith in her, then place your faith in me, Saber."

"...Understood." A slight bow of the head was the clear indication of Irisviel's victory. Male or female, the topic of trust is often a sensitive matter according to Kiritsugu. Irisviel smiles at the defeated knight. "Good! If you excuse me, I will need to talk with my Grandfather."

  

* * *

 

 

"Okaasama? When will Kiritsugu come back?" Illya tilts her head, waiting for her mother's reply as the lady read her a bedtime story.

 

"Hmm..." Irisviel looks up at curious eyes. The same eyes that reflect a certain twinkle of wisdom paralleling the child's parent, Illyasviel came here to confirm her suspicion.

 

"Maybe a month at a minimum" Irisviel responds with a melancholic smile. Giving a smile is the best way of showing/hiding your condition to your loved ones. Irisviel didn't want to lie her daughter so she omitted certain events that will happen during her  _secret mission_. Illya loves her father's activities very much. The idea of turning the impossible to possible using quick calculation and skill caused Illya to become competitive. Illya wanted to beat Kiritsugu because she knows that the raven can never refuse her challenge. The raven seems to win in every game she came up with in the castle. However, Illya frequently whines and pouts when Kiritsugu refuses so the raven is at a bind.

 

"..." Illya opened her mouth, but no words came out. The child closed her mouth and looked down, fiddling with the hems of her dress. Irisviel knew what her daughter wants to say

 

_"However, life's unfair. That's how it always works."_

 

"Okaasama? Can I sleep with you tonight?" Illya requested with blank eyes. Irisviel moves to give some space, moving her blankets and offering her child with a pat on the bed.

 

"You don't need to ask Illya." Irisviel tells her daughter and notes how the child homunculus crawled to the bed and into her arms. No shaking nor crying, Illya went into her mother's embrace. Irisviel held her child, closing her eyes and stroking her child's back. Looking up, Irisviel swore she saw Arturia peeking outside her room.

 

Illya's playground is the Einzbern forest. The Hide-and-seek game could attract the attention of the wolves. The walnut game could lead her to a pit hole. The funniest part was the fact Arturia disliked Illya playing all by herself. Therefore, Arturia bestows it upon herself to play with Illyasviel. It was nice for the King to do so.

 

"..." Irisviel doesn’t know how to explain to the Knight that Grandfather has plans on training Illya in case she fails her mission. Illya has the same function as her - to be the alternative vessel of the holy Grail. If she fails to obtain her clan's lost third magic, then Illya will-

 

_I can't let that happen._

 

Irisviel can't let Illya participate in another Holy Grail War, even if this means she will have to sacrifice her life.

 

* * *

 

 

**Flashback**

 

_"________"_

 

_Someone far away was calling her._

 

 

_"..."_

  

 

_The voice was saying her name. It matched Kiritsugu's vocals. **Why was he calling for her? Did something bad happen?**  She tried to open her eyes, but all she saw was darkness._

 

 

_"Iri!"_

  

 

_Irisviel struggled to move, but something was holding her in place._

 

_"Where are you?!"_

  

 _~~Someone~~ _ _something was pressing down on her. ~~Dying~~  suffocating from the lack of prana, Irisviel tried to make a sound yet nothing came out._

 

**_Kiri... tsugu!_ **

 

_Irisviel spoke out, blindly reaching out for the small trace of prana nearby. Everything was too dark. The silence was deafening._

 

**_"Wouldn't it be better to destroy everything?"_ **

 

_Right in front of her, Irisviel saw a figure pop out from nowhere and hold her chin upward._

 

**_"Don't you agree?"_ **

  

* * *

 

 

"!!!" Irisviel noticed a hand moving back and forth in front of her. She stared at Saber and wondered why the blonde always looks worried.

 

"Is something wrong Irisviel?" Arturia asked, surprising the homunculus a little. Sitting side by side, the knight noticed how the homunculus began spacing out during their conversation. Shaking her head a little, Irisviel touched her forehead with her fingertips as she looks at her servant with a depressed smile.

 

"I'm sorry for dozing off. What were we talking about?" Irisviel blinks, still trying to forget her dream. Her dream, which should only reveal fragments of previous memory.

"We were talking about our next line of action." Saber exhaled but wasn't annoyed at the woman's inattentiveness.

"Ok." Irisviel is still bothered with her recent dream. Never seeing the full picture, Irisviel can only equate this repetitive dream cycle to be a premonition of some sort. Irisviel doesn't like the feeling of helplessness.

"Can't we wait after the packing?" Irisviel pouted, hoping to get some sight-seeing done before the official announcement of the Church. Who knows? Maybe she will get to meet Kiritsugu. If she talks with Kiritsugu about her dream, maybe she will understand what's been bothering her. Yes. She should definitely have a chat with him.

"No. We can't. We must build our defense system before the enemies are aware of our presence." Saber crossed her arms, looking firm in her actions.

"Yes my king~" Irisviel sulked and Arturia shook her head in dismay. "Please take this seriously."

"I am!" Irisviel puffs her cheek and she swore she heard a soft chuckle from her new companion.

 

* * *

 

 

Standing on top of a building, the raven watched the plane land with a frown.

 

"One more time... I'll save everyone for sure."

**Author's Note:**

> Please check the series for more. :)


End file.
